We’ve all been there. We’ve had a few days looking and searching, trying to find where we lost ourselves. Sometimes we leave our hearts behind somewhere or with someone. Sometimes our mind stays as well, trying to figure out how to help this poor aching heart. A psychologist once told me that we are nothing but our thoughts and our thoughts most of the time are created out of our feelings. This is what makes us as us.
When we were infants, we had no thoughts at all but we developed feelings. Feelings of love, happiness, bonding, pain, fear and joy. As soon as someone tampers with this innocence, we started crying. Until one day we decided what didn’t feel good, we associated it pain and hallelujah, we started ‘thinking’! Your mother praising you, your sister shouting at you, getting bullied at school, dancing often out of happiness or rejection/abandonment- all leave marks on your thoughts, feelings and create a pattern. Then all of a sudden, we’re older.
Our thoughts, our feelings. Sometimes we can have many feelings, many thoughts, deep feelings and even deeper, meticulously and surgically examined thoughts which makes people either complex or simple as they say.
I like to see myself walking and living with these two angels on my shoulders- not the good and bad ones, but the emotion and thought angels. Two different Nancy’s! When one’s missing- I find myself lost and searching. I don’t feel like I am me or even that I am complete. In the same way the body, the skin heals itself, so does our heart and our minds. We allow living experiences to gather and develop either a new us or a new feeling, passion. You can’t bury your lost or burnt feelings and thoughts below the new discoveries and gatherings. Its like burying history with the new- life with collapse (economic crisis). You can’t be in denial of issues that need closures and confrontation (with yourself). That simply said, creates issues and what some people might call disorders post your thirties, then give it fancy labeling. Your thoughts will always go back to visit all the mess brushed under the carpet, so could your feelings.
Save yourself now before tomorrow. Look deep within yourself. Find that missing part, care for it, question it, reason with it, understand it, ask people about it and finally once you understood the reason why it was missing or why it was confused or buried, forgive it.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”, Ghandi. So be strong, forgive yourself. Cremate the past that has shaped you, through forgiveness. Kiss it goodbye, imagine it gone with the wind. Let it, allow it to make you strong. Embrace and welcome the freedom that comes with it- emotionally. And then, forget, if you can. Remember the strength gained from the experience and let go of the weakness it has caused, the stress it begotten. One hard exercise but once done, you’ll be taking that next step of awareness and enlightenment and you’ll feel the personal triumph.